Lets cut to the chase. I am one scared MoFo.
There are three things that can make me scream and run away like a little girl, anytime, anywhere.
I’m gonna explain two, just for fun.
First on my list is: Fish.
How can you NOT be afraid of these freakin creepy things, they are scary as FUCK. why you ask me? well let me téll you why!
- They do NOT blink. Isn’t that enough reason to fear for your life? can you imagine? those tiny, creepy lookin, glassy eyes staring at you, swimming closer…. closer… and when you blink once… WHAM!!! he’s in frond of your face!!! AAAAHHHH!!!.
- They have sharp jaws. Have you ever felt a fish jaw? Its like a knife, but its a jaw.
- They are slimy and scaly. This means that you can not fight a fish, if it wants to chew on your face, its gonna, and you and your incapable hands are NOT going to stop em.
- Fish are just freaky as heck. I do NOT get fish and there shape, they’re just freaky looking to me…
Second on my list is: Bugs, the big kinds, not the tiny “awhh, its like a piece of lint, teeheee!” kind of bugs, but the “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! is that a dinosaur!?” kind of bugs.
- Most of the time they have multiple eyes. Dude… they can see you a 100 times. This means that while I was standing behind it, screaming like a toddler and clutching the bug spray, trying to figure out if I can kill a six inch wide immortal-looking creature with “Natural insect repellant” and and electric fly swatter (Give me the big guns, I want nuclear weapons, damn it!!), it already found 100 ways to escape, while scaring the total living shit out of me.
- Ok so here’s the deal with bugs. Since the beginning of mankind we swat fly’s stomp on Pill bugs and bug spray cockroaches to death. Don’t you think that the insects are catching on? They want REVENGE! and the big ones are freakin getting there! Slowly but surely there will be a whole army of gigantic bugs, coming to eat your FACE. so watch the fuck out next time a mega-insect fly’s, crawls or morphs in your area out of no where.
Watch. Your. Back.
So now you know. I leave you with this messege: Flea's can jump 130 times higher than their own height. In human terms this is equal to a 6ft. person jumping 780 ft. into the air.
Love, Kissis, Protect your ears…
Try to guess what my third and worst fear is…